Received 29 Apr:

What you people are saying makes for fascinating entertainment.  However, do you realize that you haven't actually left Siddha Yoga, because all you do is think about it and talk about it day after day.  Let's face it ... it's your FAVOURITE TOPIC!  When in Sydney recently, Gurumayi spoke about such people, saying that they are still on the path as long as they keep talking about it.

I can give you an example.  A few years ago I had a run in with a manager who banned me from seva.  I could never understand why she banned me and she wouldn't say.  I was very upset for about three years -- and I mean VERY UPSET.  I used to sit at home and sob, and I complained constantly and bitterly to all my Siddha Yoga friends, and whilst they cared about my feelings (because they were REAL FRIENDS -- yes, you CAN make real friends in Siddha Yoga, surprise, surprise) they also joked about how I talked about Siddha Yoga more than they did!

One day when sitting down at home doing absolutely nothing, I heard Gurumayi telling me not to be upset.  She explained that the manager hadn't realised that she had hurt my feelings.  I know that this was a real experience, because a great sense of calm came over me, and no matter how much I thought about the problem, I just didn't feel angry anymore.  Now, Gurumayi didn't do that for me because she wanted money out of me (I'm flat broke) nor did she do it because she thought she'd get a lot of seva out of me (I hardly did any seva anyway), or because she wanted more people (she's got plenty of people already).  She did it out of compassion because I was suffering.  She didn't step in immediately - it was quite some time after the initial event. I contemplated this and realised that she didn't intervene earlier because she had wanted me to try to find my own inner strength first.  That is what Siddha Yoga is about - finding it within yourself.  It is not about cultism.

Yes, there are some incompetent managers in Siddha Yoga, but don't blame Siddha Yoga.  You're going to get those people everywhere.  Why should you expect everyone in Siddha Yoga to be perfect and to behave the way you want them to behave towards you?  Were you a perfect Siddha Yogi?  Did you perhaps go around inadvertently hurting peoples feelings or unknowingly organise your seva in ways that upset people? Think about it. You might be very surprised to know the answer.

As for the article which was posted about the supposed suicide at Sadhana Kutir, the reason the police would have been told to keep their lights and sirens off has nothing to do with the so called "secretive" attitude of S.Y..  Anyone who thinks that must be a bit paranoid.  The police would have gone about their work quietly so that people wouldn't be disturbed.  People go to bed early in the ashram.  I live in a rough area -- The police are always investigating some happening, but they don't put their lights and sirens on unnecessarily.  So why would you need a siren in an ashram in the countryside?

I find that a lot of the stories from ex-S.Y. people are over-the-top and are misinterpretations of events.  Why are you people so bitter?  Why not look inside yourself and see where the problem REALLY lies?  You'll be a lot happier and you won't have to spend your time complaining or feeling bad about the very thing that gave you so much joy.  I know, because I've been through it.




So, I'm still IN Siddha Yoga? What does that really mean? If I go to the ashram, to the next managers meeting, I'll be called upon to give a report about representing the shadow side of SY? OR, maybe I can put in a requisition for money to pay for the web site? OR, maybe the web address for the site will be published in darshan magazine or announced at the programs? I don't think so.

Following your logic then, anyone who leaves a dysfunctional relationship (be it a family, business, religion or significant relationship) really doesn't leave? They are still part of it? Actually you are right. But not as you believe. As Chid would have you think, someday I will come to my senses and come back to the fold. In the meantime, I am simply confused and lost in the maya.

Well, I am in relationship to SY. Just as a prosecutor is in relationship to a criminal on trial or just as a child who has been abused by her father and is now living with her grandparents.

Back to the statement: "You haven't left SY, because all you do is think about it and talk about it day after day". Excuse me, but can you tell me how much time I spend each day thinking about SY each day? Did someone die and make you the GURU? The GURU who knows all? So, if SY can't control us they have to put a spin on this that makes it look like they can. Hmmm. Why is that?

I am sure, Chid would like for this site AND all the negative PR about SY to go away. (That's why she would not be interviewed by the New Zealand Herald - nice article?) I know for a fact that she has avoided an official presence on the web for years because she has been angry at what has been going on at AOL AND this was before this site started. This stance on her part is changing as they indirectly support the Dharma Cafe, the pro SY page. I would not be surprised if SY has there own web site in the near future.

So, I will choose to remain in relationship with SY, until SY can speak the truth.


PS I am curious as to why people's stories of physical, emotional and sexual abuse should be "fascinating entertainment" for you.