Ram Butler abused his power to seduce young women

My name is Alison Cliatt. I am 29 years old and I live in Oakland,California.

It has taken me the better part of 10 years to be be able to speakopenly about being abused and manipulated by Gurumayi and herteachers.

But now I speak. What happened to me in Siddha Yoga almost cost memy life. For years I have lived in a silent darkness of shame andguilt. Trapped in a self destrcutive numbness that came frominternalizing the betrayal of trust that took place when Ram Butlerinvited me to his hotel room and after talking for awhile asked me tolie down on the bed with him.

What followed was an affair that Ram characterized as tantric – hetold me I would be the next author of the Correspondence Course – hesaid he’d known it since I was a young girl and had been writing thecourse just for me. Ram would call me from his house in Sadhana Kutirevery night and we would talk for hours. He made allusions that I wasgoing through what Gurumayi went through with Baba.

I went along with it. Ram represented the Guru. Everyone around merevered him as a holy man; as someone who had realized the highestteachings of the Guru. He told me Gurumayi had sent him to me. Hetold me that Gurumayi knew everything. She knew about our beingtogether and it was OK with her. I flew to meet him in differentcities where he was giving workshops.

He also told me he had had other affairs. One was with a woman wholived in the Ashram. Another was a woman he met at one of hisworkshops. He reassured me that she had recently come to the Ashramto let him know she was married and pregenant with her first child.

Ram told me he was writing to Gurumayi to tell her he wanted todivorce his wife and marry me.

And then, one day, Ram told me Gurumayi said no, he could not divorcehis wife and marry me. We were to stop our relationship. Ram wasnot supposed to communicate with me for a year. Ram follwed that bysaying we would stay in touch. I was the love of his life. Now Iwould just have to transition from being the girlfriend to thestudent. He told me if I suffered at all it was because of mypride. He told me I seduced him. He told me to write a letter toGurumayi telling her I was sorry and that it was my fault.

I realize I’ve been telling you alot about what Ram did. I shouldtell you what I was doing – but that’s the new part – I’ve held allthat back for so long.

Well, I was suffering. There was a part of me that knew that thiswas wrong, but at the time,I could not reist it. Ram representedeverything I thought I was striving for in life.

I wasn’t able to believe that Gurumayi would allow someone with a bigproblem to go around abusing other people, but that is what she did.

Gurumayi knew that Ram Butler had a history of abusing his power as ateacher of Siddha Yoga to seduce young women. She accepted that kindof behavior. Ram even told me that Gurumayi once told him that hecould have been a great Guru but the bad press caused by his behaviorwould have ruined it.

I was so confused. When I wrote to Gurumayi I never got a response.I’ve been writing letters ever since. No one will respond to me inwriting.

Richard Gillette, Gurumayi’s resident therapist, met with my motherto tell her the situation was my fault. But he never spoke one wordto me, never asked what I went through or how I was doing.

Ram Butler got therapy.

I got nothing. Every one I knew thought Ram Butler was a great guy.

Being betrayed by Gurumayi and Ram I was cut off from what had beenmy source of comfort in life, the place I trusted to learn aboutmyself.

I quit my job, I quit Siddha Yoga. I quit seeing my therapistbeacuse I couldn’t tell her what had happened because she alreadythought Siddha Yoga was not a safe place because of the experiencewhich had brought me to therapy years earlier which was that GeorgeAfif had singled me out as one of his girls when I was 17…bought megifts, tried to kiss me during a break from Darshan seva…I knowanother former darshan girl, who was 16 or 17, that ended up havingsex with George Afif in Gurumayi’s house in Ganeshpuri. Gurumayiwalked in on them. She let Geroge stay, but the girl was told toleave darshan seva – she left the Ashram. A saw her a few yearslater and she told me what had happened.

Gurumayi knew that George was raising hell with the girls, with hiscrazy projects, with his lavish lifestyle…one night after darshanhe rented out a movie theatre in Middletown and drove a bunch of us,including Namdev Hayes, to see Terminator 2. Ram was the one thathad talked me through that one, he said George was gone, Gurumayiloved me and didn’t want me to feel bad…I hated myself, I hatedSiddha Yoga, and yet I kept going back. I hated Gurumayi and at thesame time I was hoping that there was a good explanation foreverything I had seen and lived through.

When I told Ram I was having a hard time living my life he told methat affairs like ours happened in all organizations. Clinton was onTV at that time dealing with his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Ramtold me when he saw those parts of the news he was glad he didn’thave to go through that.

Ram told me if I was ever going to say anything about our affair Ishould wait until his daughter got a little older. My parent’sdivorced when I was was two (my dad had an affair) so Ram said to methink what a difference it could have made in your life if your dadhad been around a few years longer.

My life was a wreck. My health was a wreck. Ram told me to go backto my college boyfriend. And you know what? I did. It was awful. Icouldn’t get close to anyone because I was protecting Ram andGurumayi and Sidda Yoga. Ram told me thousands of people read thecourse. He couldn’t be exposed it would be a disaster for SiddhaYoga.

So, I suffered alone.

There is so much to say…..

Since May of 2001 my boyfriend and I have been challenging the Ashramto communicate with us about the history of abuse in Siddha Yoga.

The truth needs to be told. People who hear about Siddha Yogadeserve to know that the stories about Baba and the girls are true.Affairs and abuse of power are a deep and ramapant issue within theSiddha Yoga community.

I believe that there should be an open investigation of the abuses ofpower. For years I supported Gurumayi with my time, my money and myheart – and during that time people were getting hurt.

Now I give my support to the wounded to the survivor in me, and inanyone who has suffered from abuse or injustice.

Together we can bring awareness to these issue so that there can be aresolution, a peace.

Siddha Yoga doesn’t have a trademark on the truth.

Radha – thank you for telling your story here. I’ve been wanting tosay something here for so long…you helped me.

I hope other women will read this and tell their truth. I don’t wantanother person to go through an experience like this. It has changedthe course of my life in a dramatic way.

Even though it has been very difficult SY did not kill me or myspirit. In some way it made me stronger because of the depth ofdarkness within myself I had to face.

I know that Ram behaved the way he did because he was suffering.

It must be true that Gurumayi is suffering and that is why she hasallowed the culture of abuse that surrounds her.

Just like I don’t want to suffer I wish that Gurumayi and Ram andeveryone can be free from suffering.

I write this and the letters I have sent to the SY managers becausethese issues are a part of my life. I don’t want to hide from themlike Gurumayi does, I finally accept them, and now want to resolvethem in a way that can benefit everyone, not just the few peopletrying to protect the image of Siddha Yoga and Gurumayi.

Peace,

Alison Cliatt